By Brent Lacy

Ask the men in your church how their prayer life is going and most of them will look at the floor. Not because they do not believe in prayer. Because they feel like they are failing at it.

Men tend to approach prayer the same way they approach everything else: as a performance to be evaluated. They know they are supposed to pray. They know they do not pray enough. And the gap between what they know and what they do produces guilt, not growth.

The pastor’s job is not to make men feel guiltier about prayer. It is to help them actually pray.

Why Men Struggle with Prayer

Men struggle with prayer for several reasons that are worth understanding before trying to fix them.

Prayer feels passive. Men are wired to do things. Prayer feels like not doing anything. The man who can fix a car, build a deck, or solve a problem at work feels helpless when the only tool available is prayer.

Prayer feels performative. Men who grew up hearing eloquent public prayers feel inadequate when they try to pray out loud. They compare their stumbling words to the polished prayers they have heard and conclude that they are not good at prayer.

Prayer feels one-sided. Men who are used to conversations with clear feedback find it hard to sustain a conversation where the other party does not respond in an audible way.

Practical Ways to Help Men Pray

Teach them to pray specifically

Vague prayer produces vague faith. Specific prayer produces specific faith. Help men move from “Lord, bless my family” to “Lord, help my son with the test he is taking today. Help my wife with the difficult conversation she is having with her mother this week.”

Specific prayer requires paying attention to the people you love. It is an act of love as much as an act of faith.

Give them a simple structure

Many men pray better with a structure. The ACTS model (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication) is simple and effective. The Lord’s Prayer is another structure that works. Give men a framework and they will use it.

Pray with them, not just for them

The most effective way to teach men to pray is to pray with them. In your discipleship group, in one-on-one conversations, in hospital visits. When men hear another man pray honestly and specifically, it gives them permission to do the same.

Create low-stakes opportunities to pray out loud

Many men are terrified of praying out loud in public. Create low-stakes opportunities for them to practice. In a small group of 3-4 men, ask each person to pray one sentence. Just one sentence. This removes the performance pressure and gives men a starting point.

Connect prayer to action

Men who struggle with prayer as a passive activity often respond well to prayer that is connected to action. Pray before a service project. Pray before a difficult conversation. Pray before a job interview. When prayer is connected to something concrete, it feels less abstract and more real.

Men’s Prayer Groups

A men’s prayer group is one of the most powerful things a small church can have. Not a prayer meeting where men sit in a circle and take turns praying through a list. A genuine prayer group where men bring their real struggles, their real fears, and their real needs before God together.

Start small. Two or three men who are willing to be honest. Meet early in the morning before work, or over lunch, or whenever works. Keep it short. 30 minutes is enough. The goal is consistency, not length.

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