By Brent Lacy

Nobody wants to talk about this. But sometimes a volunteer is hurting the church more than helping it. And keeping them in place is not kindness. It is avoidance.

In a small church, every volunteer matters. That is exactly why one toxic volunteer can do so much damage. When you have 15 people serving and one of them is making the other 14 miserable, the math is simple. The longer you wait, the more people you lose.

Signs It Is Time

They Have Become the Obstacle

There is one in every church. They resist every new idea. They block every decision. They make every change into a conflict. When the church cannot move forward because of one person, you have a problem that love alone will not solve.

This is not about disagreement. Healthy churches have people who disagree. This is about a pattern of obstruction that prevents the church from fulfilling its mission.

Their Behavior Is Hurting Others

Gossip, manipulation, triangulation, passive aggression. If a volunteer is making other volunteers miserable, the kind thing is to address it. Quickly. Every week you wait, another good person considers leaving. And they will not tell you why. They will just stop showing up.

They Are Working Against the Church’s Mission

This is rare but real. Sometimes a volunteer actively undermines the church’s direction. They recruit allies against the pastor. They spread misinformation. They create factions. This is not a difference of opinion. This is sabotage, and it needs to be named for what it is.

They Refuse Accountability

Every volunteer operates within the church’s values and policies. If a volunteer refuses to operate within boundaries, whether financial policies, child protection policies, or basic interpersonal respect, they need to step down. A volunteer who is above the rules is a volunteer who is undermining the church’s integrity.

How to Have the Conversation

This is the part most leaders dread. But having the conversation well can make the difference between a painful but healthy process and a church-splitting disaster.

Before the Conversation

• Document specific behaviors. Not feelings. Not impressions. Specific things that were said or done, with dates if possible.
• Pray. Seriously. Ask God for wisdom, courage, and the right words.
• Consult one trusted person. A board member, an elder, a mentor. Do not do this alone.
• Prepare for their response. They may cry. They may get angry. They may try to turn it around on you. Stay calm and stay focused on the behavior.

During the Conversation

Do:

• Meet in person, privately
• Be specific about the behavior, not the person
• Give them the benefit of the doubt (you may not have all the information)
• Offer a path to restoration if appropriate
• Follow up in writing after the meeting

Do not:

• Handle it over email or text
• Involve the whole congregation before talking to the person
• Make it about personality conflicts
• Ghost them (avoiding the conversation and hoping they quit)
• Make promises you cannot keep (“Nothing will change”)

The Aftermath

Letting a volunteer go is painful. People will have opinions. Some will side with the volunteer. Some will praise your courage. Your job is not to manage opinion. Your job is to steward the health of the church.

After the conversation, communicate appropriately with the congregation. You do not need to share details. A simple “We have asked [name] to step back from their role for a season” is enough. Trust your people to respect your leadership.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if the volunteer is a major donor?

This is the scenario that keeps pastors up at night. The answer is the same: address the behavior. A donor who is hurting the church is not a net positive, no matter how large their giving. If anything, financial leverage makes the situation more urgent, not less. The longer you wait, the more power they accumulate.

Should I involve the church board?

Yes. Not to make the decision for you, but to ensure you have support and accountability. A board that backs you up publicly makes the process healthier for everyone. A board that is blindsided by a volunteer complaint makes everything worse.

What if they threaten to leave the church?

Let them. A volunteer who threatens to leave the church if they are held accountable is a volunteer who was never really serving the church. They were serving themselves. If they leave, the church will survive. And you will have sent a clear message that accountability matters.

Can a volunteer be restored after being removed?

Yes, and this should always be the hope. But restoration requires genuine repentance, changed behavior, and time. Do not rush it. A volunteer who is restored too quickly will likely repeat the pattern. Set clear expectations and a timeline for restoration.

Sources

1. Karl Vaters, “Recruiting Volunteers In a Small Church”
2. Nick Blevins, “How to Recruit Church Volunteers (A Proven 5-Part Framework)”
3. Pushpay, “How to Recruit Volunteers for Church: A Guide for Church Leaders”
4. Better Bible Teachers, “5 Methods for Recruiting and Keeping Church Volunteers”