By Brent Lacy
Someone asked you to lead a small group. Maybe you said yes before you had time to think about it. Maybe you have been attending small groups for years and figured you could handle it. Either way, you are now the leader, and Sunday is coming.
The good news is that small group leadership is a learnable skill, not a personality type. Research from the Barna Group consistently shows that the quality of the leader matters more than the curriculum, the meeting space, or the size of the group. A prepared, present leader who genuinely cares about the people in the room will produce a better group than a polished facilitator who is going through the motions. (Source: Barna Group, The State of Small Groups, 2023)
That last number is worth sitting with. Most small group leaders start exactly where you are. The ones who lead well are not the ones who were born with the gift. They are the ones who prepared.
Before Your First Meeting
The work that happens before the group meets determines most of what happens when it does. Three things matter most in the preparation phase.
Know the material before you teach it
Read the passage or study material at least twice before the meeting. Write down the one thing you want the group to walk away with. If you cannot state the main point in one sentence, you are not ready to lead the discussion. This is not about having all the answers. It is about knowing where you are going so you can guide others there.
Prepare questions, not lectures
The most common mistake new small group leaders make is turning the group into a mini-sermon. Your job is not to teach. It is to facilitate a conversation that helps people encounter the text themselves. Prepare four to six open-ended questions. Open-ended means they cannot be answered with yes or no. “What does this passage say about how God responds to failure?” is a better question than “Does God forgive us?”
Pray for each person by name
Before the group meets, pray through the names of everyone who will be there. Ask God to prepare their hearts and yours. This is not a ritual. It is a reminder that you are not the most important person in the room. The Holy Spirit is.
Running the Meeting
Start on time, end on time
Respecting people’s time is a form of pastoral care. If you say the group runs from 7:00 to 8:30, start at 7:00 and end at 8:30. People with children, early work schedules, and long commutes need to be able to plan around your group. Groups that run long consistently lose members who cannot afford the unpredictability.
The 20-minute rule for discussion
Most small group discussions have a natural arc. The first five minutes are slow as people warm up. Minutes five through twenty are usually the richest. After twenty minutes, most discussions either go in circles or get dominated by one or two voices. Watch the clock. When the discussion is at its best, that is often the right time to move on rather than wait for it to wind down.
Handle the talker and the quiet one
Every group has someone who talks too much and someone who says almost nothing. Both need your attention. For the talker, use phrases like “That’s a good point. What does someone else think?” For the quiet person, try direct but gentle invitations: “Sarah, you’ve been listening carefully. What’s your take?” Never put anyone on the spot, but do create space for quieter voices.
What to do when no one talks
Silence is not failure. Give it ten seconds before you jump in. Often someone is just gathering their thoughts. If the silence continues, try rephrasing the question or sharing a brief personal observation to lower the stakes. ‘I’ll be honest, when I first read this passage I wasn’t sure what to make of it either. What’s your first reaction?’
Building a Group That Lasts
The research on small group longevity is clear: groups that last are groups where people feel known, not just informed. Curriculum matters less than connection. The group that spends twenty minutes on the lesson and forty minutes in honest conversation about how it applies to real life will outlast the group that covers every question in the workbook.
Create a covenant in the first session
A simple group covenant sets expectations and builds trust. It does not need to be formal. Cover four things: confidentiality (what is shared in the group stays in the group), attendance (commit to being present), honesty (we will be real, not just religious), and prayer (we will pray for each other between meetings). Having this conversation in the first session prevents most of the problems that derail groups later.
Follow up between meetings
A text message, a brief phone call, or a note to someone who shared something vulnerable in the group communicates that the group is not just a weekly event. It is a community. This follow-up does not need to be long. “Hey, I’ve been praying for what you shared on Tuesday” takes thirty seconds and means more than most people realize.
The one thing that separates good small group leaders from great ones
Great small group leaders remember what people share and follow up on it. They know that John’s job interview was last Thursday and they ask how it went. They know that Maria’s mother has been sick and they check in. This is not a technique. It is what it looks like to genuinely care about the people in your group.
When Things Go Wrong
Every small group eventually hits a rough patch. Someone shares something that derails the discussion. Two members have a conflict. Attendance drops. The curriculum stops working. These are not signs that you are failing. They are signs that you are leading a real group of real people.
The most important thing you can do when things go wrong is not to fix it immediately. Name it. “I’ve noticed our group has felt a little disconnected lately. Can we talk about that?” Most group problems are solved by honest conversation, not by changing the curriculum or the meeting time.
MinistryPlace has a free Small Group Starter Guide with a group covenant template, discussion question frameworks, and a first-session agenda you can use this week.