Marriage & Family
Walking Through the Valley: Grief and the Hope We Have (2026)
Pastoral guidance for walking with people through loss.
By Brent Lacy
Walking Through the Valley: Grief and the Hope We Have (2026)
Grief is the price we pay for love. The Bible does not minimize grief. But it gives us deep, resurrection hope.
Grief is the price we pay for love. The deeper the love, the deeper the grief. This is not a problem to be solved. It is a reality to be honored. The person who grieves deeply loved deeply. That is not a failure. It is a testimony.
The Bible does not minimize grief. Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11:35), even knowing that he was about to raise him from the dead. The Psalms are full of lament. Lamentations is an entire book of grief. The Bible gives us permission to grieve honestly, and it gives us something that the world cannot: resurrection hope.
What the Bible Says About Grief
- Grief is normal and good. Jesus wept. David lamented. Jeremiah wrote an entire book of lament. The Bible does not tell us not to grieve. It tells us not to grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13).
- Lament is a form of prayer. The Psalms of lament (Psalms 22, 42, 88, and others) model honest, raw prayer in the midst of suffering. Lament is not a failure of faith. It is an expression of faith that trusts God enough to be honest with him.
- Resurrection hope changes everything. 1 Corinthians 15 is the great resurrection chapter. Paul argues that if Christ has not been raised, our faith is futile. But Christ has been raised. And because he has been raised, death is not the end. Grief is real. But it is not the last word.
- The community of faith is meant to bear one another’s burdens. Galatians 6:2 calls us to bear one another’s burdens. Grief is a burden that is meant to be shared. The church that shows up for grieving families, that sits with them in their pain, that does not rush them through their grief, is being the body of Christ.
Pastoral Care for the Grieving
Show up
The most important thing a pastor or church member can do for a grieving person is show up. Not with answers. Not with explanations. With presence. Show up at the funeral. Show up in the weeks that follow. Show up on the anniversary. Show up.
Listen more than you speak
Grieving people need to be heard more than they need to be helped. Listen to their stories about the person they lost. Ask questions. Let them talk. Resist the urge to fill silence with words.
Avoid unhelpful phrases
Do not say: They are in a better place. God needed them more. Everything happens for a reason. At least they lived a long life. I know how you feel. These phrases, however well-intentioned, minimize the grief and can cause harm.
Stay for the long haul
The most intense support comes in the first weeks after a loss. But grief does not end in weeks. It continues for months and years. The pastor who checks in at three months, at six months, at the anniversary, is providing pastoral care that most grieving people never receive.
The Stages of Grief: What They Are and What They Are Not
The five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) were described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969. They have been widely misunderstood. The stages are not a linear progression that everyone goes through in order. They are a description of common experiences in grief, not a prescription for how grief should proceed.
Grief is not a problem to be solved or a process to be completed. It is a journey to be walked. The goal is not to stop grieving but to learn to carry the grief while continuing to live. This takes time. It takes community. It takes the hope that only the resurrection can provide.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it wrong to grieve as a Christian?
No. Jesus wept. The Psalms are full of lament. The Bible gives us permission to grieve honestly. 1 Thessalonians 4:13 says not to grieve as those who have no hope, not that we should not grieve at all. Grief is the appropriate response to loss. Resurrection hope does not eliminate grief. It transforms it.
How long does grief last?
Grief does not follow a predictable timeline. The acute phase of grief typically lasts weeks to months. But grief can resurface for years, particularly around anniversaries, holidays, and significant life events. There is no right timeline for grief. The goal is not to stop grieving but to learn to carry the grief while continuing to live.
How do you help someone who is stuck in grief?
Grief that is persistent and interfering with daily functioning may be complicated grief, which benefits from professional support. A grief counselor or therapist can provide significant help. Pastoral care and professional care are complementary, not competing.
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