Forgiveness is one of the most preached-about topics in the church and one of the most misunderstood. Sermons on forgiveness often make it sound simpler than it is, which leaves people who are genuinely struggling to forgive feeling like failures. Or they make it sound optional, which leaves people in bondage to bitterness that the gospel is designed to free them from.
Preaching on forgiveness well requires honesty about the difficulty, clarity about what forgiveness actually is, and genuine pastoral care for people who have been genuinely wronged.
What Forgiveness Is Not
Before preaching what forgiveness is, name what it is not:
- Forgiveness is not a feeling. You do not have to feel like forgiving someone to forgive them. Forgiveness is a decision, not an emotion. The feeling may follow the decision, but it is not the decision itself.
- Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Forgiveness is something you do unilaterally. Reconciliation requires two people. You can forgive someone who is not sorry, who is not present, who is dead. You cannot reconcile with someone who is not willing to reconcile.
- Forgiveness is not minimizing the wrong. Forgiving someone does not mean pretending what they did was not wrong. It means releasing your claim to retribution. The wrong was real. The forgiveness is also real.
- Forgiveness is not trust. Forgiving someone does not mean trusting them again. Trust is rebuilt over time through demonstrated change. Forgiveness can happen immediately. Trust takes time.
forgiveness is a choice, not an emotion. The feeling may follow, but it is not the act.
forgiveness is unilateral. Reconciliation requires two willing parties.
Matthew 6:14-15 and Ephesians 4:32 make forgiveness a command, not a suggestion.
What Forgiveness Is
Forgiveness is the decision to release your claim to retribution against someone who has wronged you. It is not pretending the wrong did not happen. It is not feeling good about the person who wronged you. It is releasing the debt they owe you and entrusting justice to God.
The biblical basis for forgiveness is the forgiveness we have received. Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” The motivation for forgiveness is not that the person deserves it. It is that we have been forgiven far more than we will ever be asked to forgive.
Preaching to People Who Have Been Genuinely Wronged
In every congregation, there are people who have been genuinely, seriously wronged. Abuse survivors. People who have been betrayed by a spouse. People who have been defrauded. People who have been abandoned. These people need to hear that:
- What happened to them was genuinely wrong. Forgiveness does not minimize the wrong.
- Forgiveness is possible even when the person who wronged them is not sorry.
- Forgiveness does not require reconciliation with someone who is unsafe.
- Forgiveness is for their freedom, not for the benefit of the person who wronged them.
- Forgiveness is a process, not a single moment. It may need to be chosen repeatedly.
The person who has been abused, betrayed, or abandoned needs to hear that forgiveness is possible and that it is for their freedom, not that it is simple and that they should just do it. Preach to the real situation, not to an idealized one.
Texts That Preach Well on Forgiveness
- Matthew 18:21-35: The parable of the unforgiving servant. The motivation for forgiveness is the forgiveness we have received.
- Ephesians 4:31-32: The command to forgive as God in Christ forgave us.
- Luke 23:34: Jesus forgiving from the cross. Forgiveness in the most extreme circumstances.
- Genesis 50:15-21: Joseph forgiving his brothers. Forgiveness after genuine, serious wrong.
- Colossians 3:12-14: Forgiveness as part of the new life in Christ.
Not as a generic topic but as a specific engagement with a text that addresses it. The congregation that has a biblical framework for forgiveness is better equipped to forgive when they need to, which is more often than they expect.